i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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