I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
