Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
