He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
