So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
