I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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