Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize