There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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