Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
