we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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