I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
