it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize