Me too!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
