I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
