i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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