I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize