I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
operation harelip BJ is a go
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
