We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize