went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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