Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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