Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
