New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there is glitter all over my balls
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
