You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
