3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is Oprah even human
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
