My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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