I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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