Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
