is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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