I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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