My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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