Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
