Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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