GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
