I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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