I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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