just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
