Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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