I wanna passion pit in your ass
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
