I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize