You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
