Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
