And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
