Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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