Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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