have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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