Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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