Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
