And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
