Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
