I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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