you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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