You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
