I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
