she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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