Got a toothbrush?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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