i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
