I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
