It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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