Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
