sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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