I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
