That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
