I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
