I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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