Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
