I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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