hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
