your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
