Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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