so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
