...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
