just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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