if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
