I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
