The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
