So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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