I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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